Tag Archives: Marriage Retreat

7 Steps on How to Respond to an Angry Person

Sticks and Stones may Break my Bones But Words Will Always Hurt MeRemember the childhood saying about sticks and stones?  As we all eventually learn, words can cut us to the core.

Have you ever been angry with someone and lashed out with hurtful words or actions you wished you could take back?

Have you noticed that sometimes it is the people closest to us are the first to catch the worst of our anger?  Whether it be a spouse, your child, or a close friend. 

Over the weekend, Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, addressed the topic of anger in relationships as he ministered to 150 couples who were attending our military marriage retreat weekend. (Click here to see pictures from the weekend.) 

Anger can be an issue in any marriages, but because of the unique nature of military marriages with long periods of separation and sometimes very little communication, this emotion rears its ugly head all too often.   In an effort to provide helpful tools that can be applied to any relationship, Dr. Chapman shared the following 7 steps on how to respond to an angry person:

1. Listen to the person who is angry.  Hear them out.  Just LISTEN.  James 1:19 tells us,  Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.  Try to remember that the person who is angry with you is angry because, in their mind, you did wrong.  You will never get to the root of the issue until you listen and find out what is/has bothered the angry person.

2. Listen to the person who is angry.  Yes, we are repeating step 1–that’s how important it is!  In most cases, people don’t hear most of what was said the first time.  In the heat of the moment, angry word poured it out to you, but you didn’t hear it all.

3. Listen to the person who is angry.  Are you starting to get the gist of how important listening is?  Listen at least 3 times.  The issue will not be resolved until the angry person has been very clearly heard.

4. Seek to understand the angry person.  Put yourself in their shoes and try to see the world through their eyes.  You cannot have a proper understanding until you understand where they are coming from.

5. Express understanding to the angry person.  Try a statement like this: “If I were in your shoes, I’m sure I would be angry also.”   6. Share additional information.  You can now give your perspective on the situation.  The benefit of this step is that through this process you are teaching others how to respond to an angry person. (This is also an excellent way to model healthy communication in front of your children.)

7. Confess any wrongdoing.   Admit your wrongdoing if they have a legitimate reason for their anger.  This step will also build trust.  It’s a big step for most people to admit when they are wrong.

Active-duty, Guard and Reserve military service-members can attend seminars, concerts and retreats at The Cove at no costClick here for more information.

Click here to see what’s going on at The Cove in the coming months.

FREE Military Marriage Retreats at The Cove

It is an honor to support our brave men and women in the military.  Active duty, guard and reserve military personnel and their spouses are invited to a FREE Military Marriage Retreat on February 15-17 (June 28-30 too, see below) at The Cove in Asheville, NC. 

Participants will refresh their spirits as they stroll our extensive mountain trails, connect with new friends, and experience life-changing Bible teaching with a unique perspective on military marriages. 

Our speaker, John Cook, Chaplain (Army Colonel – Retired), has spent the vast majority of his life associated with the military and has a keen understanding of the challenges facing military families today. Pastor Cook currently serves as senior pastor at Snyder Memorial Baptist Church in Fayetteville, N.C.   

“One of the things that God has revealed to me at The Cove Military Marriage retreat was we’ve been married for 16 years and the fact that we should never get complacent in our marriage.
No matter where you are, no matter whether you’re a newlywed or have been married for 30 years that you always need to grow.”

— 2012 Military Marriage Retreat Participant —

Would you like to spend Valentine’s Day with us too?  Come one day early for time to relax and enjoy an Evening at The Cove with Brandon Heath.  You will enjoy a delicious dinner and a worshipful concert while celebrating your love for one another.   Coming a day early can be included in your scholarship too!

“Our experience at the Cove was an absolute blessing.  We were both refreshed and renewed in our love for one another and our commitment to our marriage, our family, and our relationship with Jesus Christ.  The fact that the Military Scholarship Program made it  free of charge for us to attend, made it so much better and alleviated a financial burden.”
— Military Seminar Participant —

Space is limited so if you or someone you know is interested, register today.

We also have a Military Marriage retreat on June 28-30.  Click here for more information and to register.   

You will need to complete a short 1-page application for the military scholarship and fax it to (828) 771-4808 or mail it to: 

The Billy Graham Training Center at The Cove
Attention Military Awards Committee
PO Box 19223
Asheville, NC 28815

Click here to download your military marriage retreat scholarship form. 


Basic Training for Marriages

By Joy Allmond

When pastor, author and radio host Michael Easley comes to The Cove this weekend, he will get to minister to a group of people very close to his heart: military couples.

Easley and his wife, Cindy, developed a passion for military couples several years ago when they lived in the Washington, D.C., area and were part of a church that had a great number of military service people.

“Cindy and I fell in love with these men and women who were in service to God and with our church. During this time, we grew a great love and appreciation for men and women in uniform.”

And now, Easley wants to serve them. He is leading a marriage seminar for military couples, just like the ones he served alongside through the local church in the Washington area.

“For those who faithfully serve our country, this is a great need today,” said John Parrish, director of programs at The Cove. “Our desire in providing this seminar is to encourage military service men and women from God’s Word and to also say thank you for their service and sacrifice for our country.”

During the seminar, Easley will take a look at how the roles change when a husband or wife gets deployed.

“These deployments are tough on families and marriages,” he explained. “There are a lot of transitions. It’s hard to get a handle on what it looks like to recalibrate when they come home and need to assimilate back into the fold of the household.”

Military couples face unique challenges, such as post-traumatic issues, and Easley believes that getting back to the basics—the very words of God—is the best way to help them address these challenges.

“We will cover passages of Scripture from Genesis to Ephesians to Revelation. These all explain what a marriage is about. We will go back and see what the text says about the roles of men and women and God’s intention for marriage. I want this to be refreshing and recalibrating. I want God to expose what the Scriptures tell us beyond the noise of culture.”

Whether you are military or civilian, Easley points to Ephesians chapter five as one of the best lessons on marriage in the Bible.

“Notice that the wife’s instructions are about a fourth the length of the husband’s,” he said. “The primary message here is for the husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. We have no personal rights in marriage as men.”

There is an important message in this passage for women, too. In a culture that vilifies men and makes them look foolish in sitcoms, for example, Easley explains that it is a big challenge for wives to respect their husbands. The best way to encourage wives to genuinely respect their husbands, he says, is to point them to Scripture.

“This, in turn, will encourage a husband to become the man God intends him to be,” he said.

Parrish also wants to see couples living out their potential.

“Our hope is that as the military couples attend this seminar at The Cove, God will customize the teaching, the quiet times, the conversations between each other as well as with other couples in such a way that they say, ‘God spoke clearly to me this weekend about what I need to do next in our relationship to honor Him and to honor my spouse,’” he explained.

“Our desire is that God shows up in some amazing ways that will transform how they do life together—and that God gets all the credit.”

Learn more about the Military Marriage Seminar, Feb. 10-12.

Free Marriage Seminar at The Cove for Active Duty Military

This is just a small way we can say thanks to our brave men and women in uniform. Active duty military personnel and their spouses are invited to a FREE Military Marriage Seminar Feb. 10-12. Participants will see the biblical perspective on marriage with application for the unique experiences of military life. Renowned Bible teacher Michael Easley will be the key speaker, but we’ll have other special guests including Captain Jim Kinney, retired after 26 years in the Navy; Sara Horn, founder of Wives of Faith; and Cindy Easley, nationally known marriage speaker.

Also note that you can come early for some extra time to relax and enjoy the beauty and serenity of The Cove or stay over for An Evening at The Cove with Sara Groves and enjoy dinner and a concert—either way, it’s our treat, and another way of expressing our thanks.
*Please note: if both “Come Early” and “Stay Over” options are chosen, applicable charges will apply for one event.

Space is very limited, so if you or someone you know is interested, act quickly! You will need to complete a short application for the military scholarship and fax it to (828) 771-4808 or mail it to:

The Billy Graham Training Center at The Cove
Attention Military Awards Committee
P.O. Box 19223
Asheville, NC 28815

UPDATE: On-site lodging for this event is full, however our staff can assist you with nearby hotel accommodations at a discounted rate. Call us at (800) 950-2092 for more information.